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Welcome. Happy Summer! Here in San Diego summer hit with muggy heat. This morning when I woke up it was already 78 degrees in the house. This is the time for vacation and I hope that you have planned time for relaxing, renewing and refreshing. It's tempting to cram too much into time off. Some folks undertake major renovations or cleaning projects, try to see all the relatives and hope to read a book and never make it. Don't let that be you. Even a full afternoon of cloud-watching is an improvement over twelve countries in twelve days. Be mindful that you are not only vacating your day-to-day worklife, but, choosing activities (that includes resting) that refresh you. GOT YOURS YET? the 2nd edition of Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the wilds of work!
In this Issue:
KEEP READING….there is something very special for you coming…. NEW WORK: I'm excited to be writing a book with the author of my preferred tool when coaching and consulting on workplace, career and relationship issues. I've worked with the Myers-Briggs, Keirsey-Bates and many other instruments. This one I like is not a personality test. It's not personalities we need to assess to choose & guide staff wisely. It's core values that drive working style. As this is a relatively new tool, most people have not heard of it. That's a big boon for the companies I work with as each team member can take the assessment online in less than ten minutes and have immediate results by email. Then, I work with them for a day to debrief the results AND have the team come to understand themselves and each other in a new, different and productive way. (That also translates into profit for the company!) So, I'm very excited about this project. You can learn more about the tool at www.CoreValuesProfile.com (Call me if I can help further at 760.735.8686) CHANGE YOUR THINKING! Some folks are spending four evenings with me on the phone plus a weekly group coaching call to change their outlooks, attitudes and expectations around attracting the riches of life. I'd love to have you join in. Check it out at www.MidasThinking.com NEW GIFT FOR YOU: We all network. We all meet new people. We need something effective to say. Many people asked me to share my program on creating an ENGAGING EFFECTIVE ELEVATOR SPEECH TO ELEVATE INCOME. I've done it in an ebook and I'm making it available to you at no cost. Please feel free to share it with your friends and colleagues: www.Effective-Elevator-Speech.com Happy Summer once again. Rhoberta Shaler, PhD INSPIRING WORDS FOR YOUR POST-IT™ NOTES
IMPROVING YOUR WORKLIFE:IF YOU DO NOT ASK, THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS NO John wanted a particular week off this summer to attend a family reunion. It was particularly important to him for two reasons: for the first time, every single member of the family would be there, and it would be on Maui. He checked the office schedule and found that another member of his team had already booked the same time away. Disappointedly he told his family he could not attend. The answer he accepted was 'No'. The truth was that the co-worker who booked that time off had chosen her week off at random. A simple request from John would have been all that was required for her to change her dates. What was going on here? EXPECTATIONSOur expectations in any relationship are based on history, on how things have worked in the past. Interestingly, we will even take someone else's history as evidence. Does this make sense? Sometimes, yes, and sometimes, no. There are very few true 'laws'. People do not do the same things in the same ways with the same people in every case. Yet, often , we behave as though this is true. If it happened once, it will always happen! If it happened to someone, it will happen to me. Sure, it makes sense to stay away from sharks. They usually attack and you look like food. As there is likely no good reason to approach a shark, there is no problem. What, though, if that shark had your daughter's arm in its mouth? You would likely take some action to get what you want. The same is true at the office. When something is important to you and contributes to your well-being, it requires action. History may have told you that asking may be difficult, timing may be tricky and receiving may be unlikely, but, if you do not ask, the answer will always be 'No!". RELATIONSHIPSIt's true that we are most comfortable asking those folks we know least and those we know best for something we want. It's simply easiest! Folks unknown to you come with no expectation of outcome. Rejection from them is easier to handle. Folks you know well will either give you what you want or, at least, soften their refusal by taking care of the relationship. It's those in-between folks that are daunting. When you ask someone for help, you are telling them that you believe they have the skills or experience to give you that help. Don't you feel good when someone asks for your help? Of course, we're not talking about those few folks who are always asking for it, those who are too lazy, too busy or too demanding. You can enhance a relationship by asking for help. You open the relationship to become more reciprocal. That's a choice only you can determine is appropriate. If you do not want to be asked for something, best not ask yourself! But, if you do not ask, the answer is always "No!". APPROACHSome ways of approaching an issue are more productive than others. It's unlikely you'll get what you want by beginning with "I'm sure you'll say 'No', but..." You may have tried that one when you were a teen-ager. It didn't work well, did it? First, be prepared. Be ready to ask clearly for what you want. Know why you want it. Be prepared with benefits to the listener for giving you what you are requesting. If possible, give them a plan that will work for them...and for you. When you do the work, you're more likely to get what you want. Then, pick your moment carefully, then check. "I would like to discuss something with you. Is this a good time?" or "When would you have a few minutes free to discuss something?" If you are asking a supervisor or manager, they will likely want to know what the topic is. This is fair, however, how you answer is important. It can make all the difference between getting the meeting or not. Phrase your issue broadly and positively . "I'd like to discuss the vacation schedule." rather than, "I need to talk to you about getting the dates I want for vacation." Give the overall topic, not your specific request. If pressed for specifics, again be positive, clear and brief. JUST DO ITOnce in the meeting, first, thank them for their time. Give the benefits to the listener for giving you what you want, then ask. Ask clearly for exactly what you want. Do not apologize for your request. You have the right to ask as they have the right to refuse. Whatever the outcome, the relationship will shift slightly no matter who you ask for what! Be prepared. You have probably heard the English proverb: 'Most things are lost for want of as king.' There is no need to lose anything for that reason. Simply ask. You may be surprised how easy this becomes with practice. Remember, though, if you do not ask, the answer is always 'No'. So ask! © Rhoberta Shaler, PhD --------------------------------- This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept intact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com
Excellent communication skills are essential to every person in business. That is why I wrote the book, Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work. This book offers much more than conflict and anger management skills. It has been reviewed as "a book needed in every business library" by world-renowned speaker and sales expert, Jim Cathcart. Written in an easy-to-read, down-to-earth style, the book uses actual scenarios and practical examples to bring you the insights and skills to manage relationships at work and turn confrontation into communication. Now in its second, expanded, English edition, Wrestling Rhinos, is currently being published in Chinese, Taiwanese and Russian. I have created a series of teleseminars on the topics covered in Wrestling Rhinos. This is an excellent way for entrepreneurs, executives and employees to get the specific conflict or anger management, communication and negotiation skills they need without ever leaving their desks. These teleclasses can be customized for an industry group. For more information on these programs, visit: www.OptimizeInstitute.com
This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept intact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com |
Volume 2, Issue
5 - <$today$> Get this from a friend? Get your own subscription at www.OptimizeInstitute.com/ezines RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONSGet Automated!Affordable and Powerful. Try the World's Smartest Shopping Cart system. We use it, and we love it. You can use it too! You Can Still Go Broke...Forget the markets, real estate, gold and any investments you make. If you have subconscious "lack" programming - you'll still sabotage your ultimate success. Do you have prosperity consciousness or lack consciousness? Tell me more... Grow your business, your way...Debbie Bermont's Outrageous Business Growth Program will show you the foolproof way to succeed beyond your dreams. More MotivationThe
Motivational and Inspirational Corner
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The
revised & expanded 2nd Edition of Wrestling
Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work is now
available. This
is an excellent book to help you with specific communication, conflict & anger
management and negotiation skills…available right when you
need them. In fact, it's a great book to give to every person on
your staff. Then, you can all find
ways to 'play nicely together in the company sandbox'! We all need
these skills and we usually did not learn them at home. Equip yourself
right away and calm your communications. 
SELF
IMPROVEMENT: The TOP 101 EXPERTS That Help Us Improve Our Lives. 