Rhino Wrestler Newsletter - Distributed semi-monthly by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD & Optimize! Institute
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Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

Hello,

It’s spring. A time for new beginnings and fresh starts. All those lovely little green shoots are peeking out from trees, shrubs and soil, testing the appropriateness of their timing. In many parts of North America, they are not enjoying what they see, shuddering under an unexpected blanket of snow. Taking my cue from those little green shoots, I started to think about the appropriateness of timing and wrote today’s article, There is a Good Time to Shut Up.

I would like to respond to issues that are timely for you, too. If there is a topic you want more information about or an answer to a pressing workplace question, I invite you to write to me and I’ll happily respond in the next issue of the Rhino Wrestler. The whole purpose of this newsletter is to be helpful to you. Just send your question along to me at RS@OptimizeInstitute.com

In this Issue:

Upcoming Events

Inspiring Words for Your Post-It™ Notes

Feature Article: WHAT TO DO WHEN FEAR HITS

KEEP READING….

Thankfully, my phone has been ringing! People are finding my website at www.OptimizeInstitute.com and asking for help mediating trouble spots and turning work groups into high-performance teams. They want to improve the odds of getting the right people in the right places for the right reason at the right time and have heard about the Core Values Profile, www.CoreValuesProfile.com for hiring and team-building. It’s exciting. Let me know if I can help you with anything. I’d love to do that for you.

Just a closing thought about “people skills”: We are not born with them and we may think we’re supposed to have them all down pat by now. Not so! Not many of us have been lucky enough to be raised by or met excellent communicators, negotiators and conflict managers. (I’ll bet some interesting and, perhaps painful, images just came to mind!), so, where would we have picked up our people skills? Shoring them up with the information and insights systematic training provides is a very wise choice. I’ve made it easy for you at www.WorkplacePeopleSkills.com   You never even have to leave your desk to get the programs you know would enhance your life, relationships and career. What could be simpler? Oh, and, if you don’t see the very specific help you need, just write to me and I’ll see what I can add.  RS@OptimizeInstitute.com 

Enjoy these first days of spring. Welcome the green shoots and the first brave flowers. If you are still playing in snow, enjoy that, too!

And, remember, There is a Good Time to Shut Up!

Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Counselor. Consultant. Coach. Catalyst.
Helping Businesses Prosper & People Flourish
www.OptimizeInstitute.com
www.WorkplacePeopleSkills.com
www.CoreValuesProfile.com .

Escondido, CA
760.735.8686

INSPIRING WORDS FOR YOUR POST-IT™ NOTES

Most of us know how to say nothing; few of us know when. - Anonymous

 

IMPROVING YOUR WORKLIFE:

WHAT TO DO WHEN FEAR HITS!
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
www.TamingTenseTimes.com

The world would like you to panic. Seems so, if you listen or watch the news these days.

Fear is in the air and the media are pushing it! In 1986, Tolly & Peggy Dylan Burkan wrote an amazingly powerful book, Guiding Yourself Into a Spiritual Reality. They wrote that F.E.A.R. stands for False Evidence Appearing Real.  If you are interested in spiritual living by spiritual principles, you’ll want to remember that one. It’s very helpful. There’s a lot of F.E.A.R. around.

So, some big questions:

• What good would it do to panic?
• What good would you be if you panicked?
• What tools do you have in your toolkit for meeting anxiety?
• Are you using them?

There is a big difference between knowing and only “knowing about.” The difference between success and failure is often actually implementing the information and strategies you have learned. 

You know a thing or two about managing stress. So, you know that it is imperative to actively pay attention to relaxing your body. Take some deep breaths in through the nose and let them slowly out your mouth. You’ll notice that your shoulders naturally come down from your earlobes when you do this. All the energy that your body is using to maintain that physical tension will be released.  And, you will think more clearly!  You deserve to take time to do this.

Panicking itself uses energy that would be better available for relaxing and focusing attention on things you can do something about.  General anxiety leads to paralysis, as does over-analysis. Sometimes you just have to drop back and punt. At least, it gives you breathing room before you are back pushing for another ten yards!  It’s a strategy that makes sense when life seems to be preventing you from moving forward.

Have you ever been around a bride with control issues? Everything is in panic mode: What if the cake is wrong? What if the flowers don’t arrive on time? What if…? What if…? What if ….?  The result of the panic is that she is not fully present to see the beauty, appreciate the people and share her love and joy. She misses the moment—the only time she has. That’s what happens when anxiety reigns: relationships suffer. And, the relationships with the people we care about can offer great support when things seem to be falling apart—if you let them.

Working with a coaching client recently, I heard him say,

“I’d rather die than ask my family for help.”

Strong words that demanded examination. Whatever happened that would cause him to feel that way? Was it his opinion that asking for help demonstrated weakness, lack or inability? What kinds of relationships did he have with the family that made him fear their disapproval if he needed their help? As we unpacked that statement, it lead to this interchange:

“If one of your family members came to you for help, what would you do? What would you think?”

“I’d help them in a heartbeat.”

“Would you think poorly of them? Would you feel superior? Would you beat them up with accusation, telling them they should have known better? Would you withhold your help so they would supposedly ‘learn their lesson?”

“No. I’d help. That’s what families do.”

“Ah, but you are the only one in your family with this outlook?”

The penny dropped. He realized that he could change his mind about this and allow himself to feel loved and supported. We are so hard on ourselves and so much more understanding and forgiving of others. Let’s change that. Allow yourself to be supported and loved…and helped. It doesn’t put you into someone’s debt. It gives them an opportunity to love.

(Of course, I know there are a few families where recrimination is sport, and everyone is on the prowl to find a weakness. There are ways to handle them, too, and that’s the topic of another article.)

With a spiritual approach, you have many tools in your toolkit for meeting anxiety, shaking hands and going in the other direction. 

• You know that God is Omnipresent, Omnipotent and Omniscient, and, therefore, you are guided, cared and provided for.
• You believe that prosperity is yours in every way, that abundance is the natural state.
• You are sensitive to the media and its need to dramatize and sensationalize everything to keep ratings up, so, you choose wisely.  You gently turn off the television in favor of more supportive endeavors.
• You understand that you can choose every moment between fear and faith, AND, you continue to choose faith.
• You know the value of meditation and prayer and engage in it, returning to that quiet, focused, relaxed place very purposefully for a few minutes frequently throughout your day.
• You understand that what you pay attention to expands, so you turn your mind to the good, the positive, the outcomes you want.
• You understand the difference between circulation and congestion, and, the effects of both. You do all that you can to promote circulation of ideas, goods, service, talent, and money.
• You read uplifting, forward-thinking books to help you stay in that place of being supported spiritually in every way.

You have great tools. Use them. Stay quiet and focused on spiritual principles. Bring your faith to every moment. Speak only about what you want to happen and give no voice to anything else. This is not Pollyanna thinking. It is a choice in favor of your own sense of peace. It’s not that you are not aware of Wall Street, or your bank account, or the fears in the workplace. It’s that you choose to focus on what you believe and give your attention to it.

Your body will thank you and you have the power of choice. Use it wisely.

In case of fear: breathe, pray and know peace.

In response to the times, Dr. Shaler’s new book, Prevent Free Fall: Pack Your Own Parachute, is now available at www.TamingTenseTimes.com  She invites you to also share the many benefits of membership there.

© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
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Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, counselor, consultant, coach & catalyst,  is the author of more than two dozen practical and inspirational books and audio programs including Prevent Free Fall: Pack Your Own Parachute. She has worked with thousands of people to help them see their lives and relationships differently—in the home & the workplace.  She leads them to explore possibilities and potential, and connect with their authentic selves, their purpose and values.  You can supercharge your relationships and overcome the challenges of personal, family and business life by connecting with Dr. Shaler through her many teleseminars, ezines  & coaching opportunities. Visit www.OptimizeInstitute.com  & www.TamingTenseTimes.com  Her gift to you is  the empowering ebook , No Limits Living, at www.NoLimitsLiving.com
 

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