| Success Solutions for Communication, Conflict, Anger, Teams, Negotiation & Relationships | |
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When Will the Squabbling Cease?© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD |
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When will the squabbling cease?!! It’s almost as though not agreeing is more important than getting anything done. One or two individuals bully the team and those who don’t speak up are trampled. One person believes in her mind that she is ‘in charge’ whether or not her job description vaguely suggests it. Another person sees himself as the eternal obstacle ‘just because’. No matter what is suggested, he has an objection. They simply won’t agree. Are these folks hiding out where you work?Rhinos are too common in the workplace. Mice are more common. These animal extremes exemplify co-worker extremes in the wilds of work. The rhino charges. The mice scurry. The rhino is irritated by the mice. The mice are terrified of the rhino. Imbalance prevails and no one feels safe at work. Recently, I was working with the board of a non-profit organization that has been in existence for more than thirty years. As I researched the situation, I found that, historically, every time things are on an upswing in the organization, certain board members get agitated. It seems that they feel powerless when things are going well. Perhaps they feel insignificant. So they make it their job to rattle cages, sabres and psyches. They create uproar and controversy. This seems to make them feel powerful. They clearly do not have the best interests of the organization at heart. Their involvement is ego-centered and power-based. Who is keeping your workplace in an uproar? Who rules the roost…even without the key to the executive washroom? Who do people avoid? And, what can you do about it? First, is it possible that you are the rhino? If so, what are you trying to prove with your fearful behavior? Only fearful or inept people use intimidation and control as tactics to create a sense of power. Powerful people are compassionate and encouraging. They have nothing to prove. So, if you are the rhino, get some help. Learn some skills. Ask for feedback…and maybe forgiveness. Last week I was talking with a coaching client who is a top executive. From the privacy of her office to my ear on the phone, she said, “I have been very successful in management. I am competent and confident. What I want help with is that I know that I come across as totally unapproachable. Clearly, I want to be respected and have my directions followed, however, I want people to know me as I am. Away from work, I am a loving, laughing human being.” As we worked together that day, she made it very apparent to me the pain that being a rhino was causing her. For years, she had carefully constructed the walls at work in order to be taken seriously. Thirty years ago, working in a male-dominated industry, this might have been a necessary strategy. Now, it is not. I applauded her for her awareness and courage. Learning new skills after so many years is a brave and remarkable undertaking. If you need new skills, get them. It’s your life that is going by and I bet, down deep, you are not very happy in your rhino lair waiting for an unsuspecting mouse to trample. If you are the mouse, it is time to learn the skills to roar. As you do that, your size will increase and your self-esteem, too. It is never too late to learn how to speak up. My mission statement is ‘to help people worldwide communicate in ways that are totally kind and totally honest at the same time.’ You can learn those skills, too. You need to find your voice and use it in a respectful, clear way. Who is getting hurt most when you are avoiding rhinos? You, of course. The rhino gets all he or she wants and you run from the noise. You are working there because you have skills. Let your voice be heard. Giving a keynote speech the other day, an audience member asked me, “It sounds so simple when you tell us to get skills and speak up. How do I start…and, will it hurt?” Although everyone laughed at the last part, it was a very real issue. This is a lifestyle change. First, you must believe that your ideas, insights and perspectives are deserving of notice. I’ll lay money on the fact that you’ve expressed those exact thoughts to your friends or family at the end of a bad day, right? “I’ve got great ideas. I could run this department in my sleep. Why doesn’t anyone take any notice of me?” You are likely right, however, there is only one person who can speak up for you and that’s you. What’s true in life is that you only really get what you are willing to ask for. Are you willing to ask to be seen, heard and valued? Of course, there are also rhinos squabbling with rhinos. That’s awfully loud, messy and smelly. And they hope they can force everyone to take a side—theirs. Mice squabble, too. They bite away in tiny chunks daily and natter endlessly. That’s a matter for another time. A recent study showed that “…up to 42% of an employees time is spent engaging in or resolving conflict.” Learn the skills that will keep you out of that 42% and on the path to productivity, progress, profitability and peace. Be a rhino wrestler whether you find that rhino within or roaming around your office. Do your part by not being one!
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved. |
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© Optimize! Institute & Rhoberta Shaler, PhD. All rights reserved.
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